Bullying Can Damage People For Life

December 10, 2019

As the season of goodwill gets underway many of us like to look back on the year slipping away and see how far we have come.  We reflect on what has been good about the past year and what has not been so good.  It is wonderful when our reflections are positive and make us happy.

If abusive bullying has been part of your year then negativity will dominate and looking back over the year is not on your mind.  Instead bullying victims will often feel overwhelmed at the thought of more of the same in the coming months and year(s). 

For a young child, looking back on any given year can feel like a century.  If they have experienced an onslaught of abusive comments and physical abuse designed to intimidate this will prey on their mind over and over again.  It will considerably spoil their enjoyment of life.  The younger the child, the larger a portion of their life that year will represent and thus it can easily feel like a century for them in their suffering.  Parents and teachers can all too often be in the dark that anything is amiss.  It is the responsibility of everyone to be vigilant to detect a child is being bullied.  They could be:

  • spending a lot of time alone.
  • appear alienated from their peers and show no sign of any friendships.
  • quiet and withdrawn.
  • tearful.
  • display negative behaviour,

Types of Bullying

Bullying behaviour has many forms but simply put it is harassment.  Bullying can be any of the following:

  • Psychological – where you (with or without others) play mind games intending to cause harm or upset.
  • Verbal – where name-calling, threats or hurtful comments are made with the intent of causing upset.  (More often than not it is girls who employ this method rather than boys.)
  • Physical – where physical contact is used to harm someone personally (ie punching, stabbing, kicking etc) or damaging or stealing/hiding/removing their personal possessions.
  • Cyber-based – where email, social media and websites are used to communicate negative stories and images or video to cause harm.  This often involves online “trolling” where the individual is ganged up on in social media threads.
  • Relational – where the intention is to harm someone’s reputation and encourage others to think negatively about the person.  It can involve physical and verbal bullying and is a typical approach used by girls.  The aim is often for the bully to elevate their kudos socially among their peers.  This form of bullying is very subtle and is easily missed right under your nose.

Employing any - or all - of these different approaches repetitively is considered bullying.

Effects of Bullying

Bullies go out of their way to be aggressive, threatening, coercive and intimidating to others.  They seek out and repeatedly torment those who are vulnerable.  The child bully will do this on a one to one basis but will often draw in supporters and encourage them to conduct similar abuse, effectively “ganging up” on the individual child.  They do not need an excuse but will often identify a trivial reason for targeting someone.

The poor child’s confidence and self-esteem will suffer in a one to one scenario but it will plummet faster where they encounter a group of other children targeting them.  The longer it goes on unchecked the worse it gets and the long term damage to that child can and does extend throughout their adult life.

Anyone experiencing regular abusive behaviour can:

  • feel suicidal, low in self-esteem, lonely and depressed.
  • develop eating disorders, body dysmorphia, anxiety and other disorders.
  • suffer long term emotional issues and lack of confidence.
  • become bullies themselves.

Sadly, the instances of child suicides following a period of bullying is on the rise.  All too often, when it happens it comes as a complete surprise to those close to them.  They are then left questioning how they did not see it coming and long term guilt.

It is well known that hormones rage in teenagers going through puberty.  Some studies in pubescent children have shown that bullied girls produce lower levels of testosterone whilst bullied boys produce more testosterone as compared with non-bullied girls and boys.  This suggests to us that bullied girls can be quieter and subdued whilst bullied boys are more likely to display increased aggression.

Damage Limitation

The earlier a bullying situation is detected - and stopped - the better the final outcome can be.    However, bullying often continues for some considerable time before it comes out into the open and positive action can be taken.  This often means considerable damage is done to the individual.

In many situations the bullied child is removed from the environment and the bully or bullies are never really dealt with.  The bullied child can then go on to feel it was all their fault and their removal seen as a punishment. It is critical that the child is given the opportunity to talk about their experience.  They should also be given tools to help them process what has happened and understand that the bully has got problems themselves and it probably has little or nothing to do with them.  Hypnosis and NLP can be effectively employed to clear the emotional trauma that is left following such experiences. 

Left to resolve such emotional issues on their own, the bullied child grows to adulthood feeling insecure, fearful, lacking in confidence and self-esteem.  It can adversely affect the key choices they make in their family and personal relationships as well as in their professional life.  With the right support they can eliminate the negative impact and come to a state of compassion and understanding for other people as well are grow their self-esteem and confidence.  This allows them to go forward positively and be sure of who they are in the world.

If you are being bullied or have a child being bullied and would like to find out more about how hypnosis can help improve matters please contact Nicki at nicki@thewellbeingpeople.co.uk or call 07568 145151.

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